Merry Christmas Mom

Theo asked about you today. I just blurted it out, "my mamma's dead Theo". He asks about your things all the time. He wants to know why I keep the "Judy" clock even though it's broken, and wonders why I won't let him play with it. He wants to know about the tiny paper angel I keep hanging in my bedroom over my bed. He wants to know about the diamond that I wear around my neck that was once your ring. Also he is fascinated by my lack of enthusiasm for shining your silver. He, like you, thinks I should shine it.

I want to tell you all the funny little things that the Little Paynes say and do. Sometimes I catch myself half way to the phone to call you; which always ends in massive crying jag on the floor. More stuff that I do, or don't do, that you would not like! I want to tell you how much I miss you and I want to let the whole world know how great you were and how proud I am to be your daughter. And also I want to thank you mom and apologize to you and slap you hard across the face all at once. Thank you mom for instilling .0001% of the compassion that you possessed and thank you for raising me up right. I apologize that I do not live up to a fraction of my potential. And how dare you courageously defeat cancer only to take your own life 2 years later.

So anyone who is interested, but mostly for the Little Paynes who will someday be very interested; the following links are just a little slice of who my mom was. The articles are about her school; The School With No Name which was named for her shortly after she died, Marilyn Treshow School and her obsession with feeding and clothing all children in need. The articles don't tell you about her other obsessions; Saabs, for example, which never ran. She had a least 3, that I remember, that inevitably broke down in the middle of the West Desert and beyond with my brother and I sleeping in the back, on the way to Grandma house in San Francisco for Christmas. Some kind of holiday tradition I guess. I can't imagine taking my kids solo cross county in POS car! Nor do the articles show how coy and proud she was when she fashioned a Thanksgiving turkey out of Tofu in a fit of vegetarianism. No mention of her habits of buying and selling houses because it was easier to move than paint. No mention of her "Richard the Husband" collections. No mention of her love for coffee, damn the torpedos and the heart conditions, she drank it thick and black. Also she loved chocolate and wine and listened to Joni Mitchell. The articles do not fully capture her ability to fill a room with huge contagious laughter, or fully communicate the perfect little dimple she had in her left shoulder that caught and made better so many of my tears for so many years.

Rest In Peace mom. I love you. I miss you, 'specially on christmas.

Grandma Marilyn Treshow

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/54964/

http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20098193,00.html

http://www.nytimes.com/1987/12/24/us/homeless-children-looking-for-compassion-as-well-as-shelter.html?pagewanted=1

ttp://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=336&dat=19920726&id=HR0PAAAAIBAJ&sjid=2IQDAAAAIBAJ&pg=7064,5744668

http://www.newsmodo.com/1997/10/10/school-homeless-kids-finally/display.jsp?id=5231095